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Hope is on the horizon…

Where have I been?!

I’ve been completely silent on here since last summer. I had no words, and too many words at the same time. I wasn’t ready to talk about things until now. Surviving Arson A few weeks after I’ve written my last post about starting to talk to friends about our difficulty conceiving, my husband and I…

Kicking ‘Shame’ in the backside

I’ve been very quiet on here for the last month… here’s what I’ve been up to! I’ve been kicking shame in the butt by: Opening up about our fertility struggles Since I posted last time about sharing with the missionary couple about our struggle to conceive, and starting fertility tests, I have shared this blog…

Truths and Lies

I’ve been quiet on here because I’ve been struggling generally the last two weeks or so. There, I’ve said it. I think I have mild depression. I have been having some insomnia, low motivation, overeating, low moods, tearfulness. And it didn’t help that my period came this month. My body is letting me know I’m…

Learn to rest

I’ve been a little quiet on here lately, because I went on a little long weekend get-away! A change of routine was what I needed. I’ve always loved this quote by Banksy. As a society we are not very good at resting. The pressure to be productive 24/7 and to ‘win’ at life is everywhere.…

How to support a friend with vaginismus

Quite frequently I see posts in the Vaginismus Support group about the struggle to ‘come out’ to friends about the experience of vaginismus – especially when those friends have never heard of it. The fear of judgement, of being laughed at, is very real. Personally, I have been fairly open about vaginismus and told most…

Thoughts on friendship, rupture, and healing

While decluttering over the weekend I stumbled upon an old letter from an old friend.  When I re-read the letter, it triggered in me an intense sensation like a deep punch to my guts. This was someone who was a good friend at university and with whom we shared some ups and downs together, had…

Another month of barrenness

My period came a few hours after I posted my last entry. I wasn’t surprised, but I was disappointed. I had a little cry and released my sadness. In some ways I felt God has been preparing me through the scriptures I had been reading recently, and I was able to move through my sadness…

An unplanned post

Usually when I post I have a general idea of what I want to share, a main message of encouragement, a few key bullet points, and then I set aside say 20 mins or so and just vomit words out on a word document. Today I just want to write. To just be authentic, with…

Dilating: Bad muscle day

Last night I had a bad muscle day. Normally, by now, I can pretty easily get dilator 6 in for 5 minutes or so with a little discomfort. Last night, 3 wouldn’t even go in. My muscles felt tight, tense, and no amount of breathing exercises was shifting it. So, I just stopped and packed…

Vaginismus and TTC (trying to conceive)

My husband and I both wanted kids and as soon as we got married, we wanted to get pregnant straight away. We didn’t bother with birth control – little did we know, vaginismus was the best natural birth control for us *eye roll*. Joking aside, it really grieved me in the early days of our…

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